A Jedi could give you a close shave but I'd never let him watch my kids.

Let's face it. A Jedi makes the worst parent. After seeing 'Revenge of the Sith' I have to blame the Jedi for the whole problem. They started it. I've always said, the biggest and strongest bond for any child is with the one raising him/her. Their strength, fortitude, convictions pass in some shape to the one being raised. That being said, Ben was a pretty good guy. So, who the Hell did Anakin fall so quickly and so hard? It's like this:
"I'm on the good side. I'm on the good side. I'm on the good side. I'm on the good side. I'm on the go..."
"Hey Anakin, wanna come to the dark side?"
(quick pause)
"I'm on the dark side. I'm on the dark side. I'm on the dark side. I'm on the dark side."
It was that fast. Let's base it on Christianity shall we? Besides, many of Lucas and Spielberg's movies are based on WWII and the Holocaust. Okay, a Priest who is taught of the Divine ways to live may learn the ways of the Devil and evil as well. He's at least aware of them and what they stand for. Okay, now let's say you're a priest. Not a good one either. Other Priests think you're not so strong and you haven't even heard one confession yet. Along comes a Politician who communicates with the Priests fairly regularly. He's telling you that the other Priests are fools and you should be giving Masses let alone hearing Confessions. Are you immediately going to sway? Would you even think about it? Now, disagreement is human and I'm sure it's no different for Jedi. But, the code Man! The Oath! The principles of the Sith and Jedi are pretty much laid out. I'm sure even non-Jedi people running around know to be wary of the Sith. My God Anakin, get a frickin' backbone. Even worse, come on Ben. Wake up! His attitude was lacking in Episode 2. Didn't you see that! Bad parent! Bad parent! Don't they have boarding schools for wayward Jedi someplace? Anyway, I guess I'm a little upset that he didn't see the lie coming. Maybe Christianity isn't the best analogy. Karate is better. Almost everyone past the age of 10 knows about the existence of karate. Not everyone knows it and it can be used both ways. Offensively and defensively. Some bully might be using it to steal lunch money and gain power where there is some softspoken chick on Biology class who has kicked ass during recess to help out another kid. Every knows it. Now, the kid who uses it bad....who is to blame? Mom and Dad that's who. They're too busy working on computers or the lawn to care. Kids go awry. Same thing with the Jedi. Too busy meddling with political crap or finding Sith Lords.
One last note. It appears that all the other Jedi went through some training of some sort at the Headquarters. There were "younglings" running everywhere in Episode II and III. It appears to me that Ben did the raising and teaching on his own for Anakin. That was a bad experiment if it were true. They paid for it in the end. Stormtroopers rioted in the streets raping and pillaging the Wookie while Ben was eating camel in the Gobi desert while Yoda was eating fish and crawdads in the jungles of the Congo. If James Tiberius Kirk were there, he would have cleaned it all up by the end of Episode I. But, he probably would have impregnated 3 of the female jedi in the process.

A Jedi In Motion

Today is the day. Now, I've never seen the Midnight showing of any movie before so this is going to be new to me. I've seen many movies that premiered that night but nothing so big as this one. The whole Star Wars saga is special to me in so many ways. Let's start with the merchandising. I had everything. DeathStar, Millenium Falcon, all the action figures,etc. The Star Wars toys were certainly a mainstay for several Christmas mornings and certainly paved the way for the cruel, Hellborn, creative mind to take shape. Let's face it. If I were directing a film with the scenarios I'd play in my head with those toys....Faces of Death would be a PBS After School special.
In reality, The Empire Strikes Back holds a special place in my heart. Oh, it's in the deepest, blackest recesses of my heart but it's there nonetheless. Let me explain. Let's see....I'm...umm...8 years old. My mother is married to a surgeon at the time and I was to have surgery on my knee that I knew nothing about. So, they take me to "Empire" on Friday night and we go out to eat. Nothing special. Not my birthday or anything but they are playing it up like it is. So, afterwards I go to sleep and am suddenly awakened at 4 in the morning with my Mother and Step-Father hovering over my bed...in Stormtrooper outfits!!!! Just kidding. No outfits but there they are with a chocolate milkshake they want me to drink. I must say and can now confess that it tasted like shit. They kept making me drink it because it had some sedative in it. So, after I finish that, they had my bags all packed and take me to the hospital. It's 4:20-4:30am and to this day I can still remember the ride in from Brandon to Sioux Falls. No idea what was happening and didn't really care as all I can think about is the movie the night before. Seeing all the scenes in my head, I remember the battle between Darth and Luke most.
I'm at the hospital and now in a frenzy 'cause I know something's going down that I don't really like. I go the the first door. The frown is immense on my face. I see a troop of Imperials...err doctors..waiting to torture me. One yells out from behind the surgical mask..."Where's the rebel base!"
I cry and look for the nearest door.
"CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS...CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS!"...A medical tech screams out.
I have now confused the movie with reality in a surreal image of deception and depravity. How ironic that a dark movie about fragile truth has now come to life in an antiseptic hallway at 5am.
The drugs start to work and I tell them that I have important things to do like go potty on Tatooine. I am useless against this surgeon and as sleep takes over....his last words?
"I am your father."
All went well though. With their lightsabers in hand, the doctors did excellent work cutting me up and took care of everything.
As I was wheeled out, I took one last parting shot and with the power of the Force I was able to destroy the west wing of Sioux Valley.
To this day, I can never watch "Empire" and drink a chocolate mikshake at the same time.